IT’S NEVER wrong to be derailed from the path you thought was meant for you. It’s never wrong to choose the small roads, take detours, or even stop for a while and… just wander. Nobody told us to be always ‘sure’ of the path we want. Most of the notable people in our history always talk about ‘finding’ that purpose, ‘chasing’ your destiny, ‘creating’ your life… and that only meant one thing:
YOU ARE STILL THE CAPTAIN OF YOUR OWN LIFE.
Last August 4, 2016, after two years and four months, I resigned from my job. It was actually a stable one, given that I was in a regular status with benefits and all. The work experience was also great and superb. But no matter how hard I tried convincing myself that that was the job meant for me, one day, I found myself failing to wake up happy and motivated. Like zombies, it felt like I just have to go with the flow, act like I was still alive even though I know, I was becoming empty inside.
I did the dumbest thing possible (Defensive note: some people might think it that way, hahaha). I resigned from that comfort zone and indulged myself into something unpredictable, uncertain… and it was, or so I say… LIFE-CHANGING. It humbled me to know that I am still vulnerable, I’m still human and that I need help from other people, too. My once towering pride, was once again humbled by the feeling I had since that fateful August 4.
Here are the list of the things I did since I decided to STOP for a while:
WHAT I DID IN AUGUST – SEPTEMBER 2016
- Got 10 hours sleep everyday
- Read Wattpad novels from different genres
- Wrote 3 novels for the publishing house (Nate’s Lavender Rose, Best Love and #Friendzoned)
- Learned to drive (I did. Abante only! Hahahah)
- Attended job interviews and exams – Apparently, I had three job interviews this month but nobody really employed me. Hahaha. I was thinking that maybe, I really sucked but then, since I am writing this article already, means that there is a right time for everything. *insert smiley face here* I thought I was losing hope. I was losing money, too because I don’t have a job. But, again, there is a timing for everything. *again, insert smiley face here*
HERE COMES OCTOBER
After two months of having no plans with my life, finally, I got the chance to reconnect with the old me. Once again, I involved myself in the church’ activities. September 30 is the feast day of St. Jerome and our parish always has an hourly holy mass celebration from 3 AM to 10 PM. Like the old days, I played the organ and sang. I have served 16 holy masses on that day. In the house, I once again felt the importance of doing household chores. I was washing dishes, sweeping floors and organizing everything in the house. It felt great doing those simple things so that when Mom and Dad arrives from their church service everyday, the house is already organized. There is happiness in simple things, actually.
October arrived. I promised myself that I would start taking on a diet (hahahaha ’cause I gained excessive weight) and start job hunting when October comes. And so, I went back to Manila on October 4 to try again after failing many job interviews. My sister, who is my constant consultant, adviser and eye-opener, told me that it is not a failure. I didn’t get the job because it was a mismatch. And I was thinking, maybe God said, it wasn’t yet my time.
I tried applying for BPO companies, too. I got a job offer for the account of the biggest telecommunications company in Australia. I even attended the first day of training and met 21 awesome people from different walks of life. Some of them became close to me in just a day. I would always remember the cheerful Ate Desh because she was always smiling and always approachable; the beautiful and funny Wenajane, who became my restroom buddy because several times that day, our bladder was in sync; the energetic Ate Myra, for being so excited about the training. She even got caught by MMDA for jaywalking because she didn’t want to get late on her first day. My first partner in the activity, Aaron the bartender (who, according to him, he just mixed juice drinks). We were given a question: “What is your favorite season?” and we both agreed that we love rainy season… until we were no longer talking about the activity but about his son and girlfriend, and friends and other things. Kuya Shag the comedienne. Pete the balik-bayan boy. And the others whom I know by face and not by name.
PATHFINDER / CHASING THE PAVEMENTS
I was uncertain of many other things. I was disoriented for a short while and I thought I might start to become like the others who chose to be ordinary and went with the flow. I want to prove myself that I can do challenges, that I can do anything… like I am living in Zootopia where anything is possible. And I think this is a realization of a grown up. I’m already 24 and even though I still act like I don’t care about what comes with the age, I know I should start being responsible with my life, too. Years are still ahead of me but I don’t want to waste time anymore. I want to start doing things that I really like… things that really keep me waking up in the morning. Even if these things are unpredictable, uncertain, unsure or reckless… I will still do it if it means I will live the life I want… Some say chase your destiny to feel alive. For me, chasing all possible pavements along the way IS THE LIFE. As it is not the goal that makes you happy, it is and will always be the journey.